How not to fall in love

Get a crush on a girl. Have her reject you. Flee to an ex who will take you instead. Melt into her arms. Realise your cowardice. Run away again.

Some time earlier, or later, or in between...

(some names may have been changed for privacy reasons)

Argentine Bicentary celebrations
23/5 Arrive Buenos Aires just in time for their Bicentenary celebrating 200 years since independence (more or less). So many cultures represented in one event, such is the diversity of nations that populated this amazing city, country, and continent as a whole. There was everyone (except the Brits of course)..



The Brits did supply the weather though, and some of our relatives threw in some violence.



More pics

24/5 Girl arrives in my dorm as I'm taking a siesta. Through her eyes I catch a glimpse of her troubled soul, or vice versa. We go for a walk together, and in my weakness our hands and lips melt together. 30 minutes later she asks me what i'm feeling. This makes me think, so the melting stops, and a mangled mess of troubled soul congeals then shatters about us. For a few minutes I pretend nothing has happened, but you don't need to be a master Reiki healer, which she was, to notice this. So we switch to being friendly and exchange personal tragedies instead.

It's all love and peace for 29 minutes.

25/5 Next day before leaving she asks "Can I give you some advice?". Out of instinct to please, I do what she wants, that is to let her give me some advice, so I say yes. But I didn't really want this so it just pisses me off. What I really wanted to say was "Why? Do you think you know what I need?" or perhaps more succinctly "Get stuffed bitch".

In the evening I head to the main Bicentenary parade, a fantastic show tracing the history of Argentina from pre-hispanic times to present day.


Couple of pics nicked off the internet.

26/5 Wednesday. Get depressed. This gets boring.

27/5 One of my room-mates is a cheery Irish chap who runs the Argentinian branch of a club called "South American Explorers". He introduces me to Mary, an English girl, and a group of us head to a Polish bar offering free German beer. Mary has "the most beautiful eyes that make me go all wobbly looking at her", says my diary. I distract myself by spotting a sultry local lounging alone at a table and break off to practice my spanish. She's clearly available but I've got a crush on Mary so give up and head home.

28/5 Lovesick. I feel like a soppy wet mop sitting in the corner of the bathroom.

29/5 Saturday night. Drop by Mary's room. I'm awkward and so is she. She knows I have a crush on her. I told her "I have a crush on you." Probably not the best tactic. Anyway I invite her and her friend to a tango show. She accepts and off we go. I suggest to Mary "If you kiss me I might be cured of my crush, though it's not guaranteed to work." This line wasn't guaranteed to work either. Well she answers that she has a "complicated situation". I take this to mean she has a boyfriend, or get lost. Persistence, which I'm usually known for, escaped me, so instead of suggesting a simple situation I just give up. Pussy abandons pursuit of pussy.

The tango show was amazing though, Confiteria Ideal is an authentic venue.

Some more pics nicked off the internet.

30/5 Sunday. Feeling ok. This always surprises when it happens, though in hindsight the comfortable familiarity of rejection probably cheered me up. As did Flor, the friendly receptionist in fancy dress, giving me a smacker.

Later I'm on the way to a dinner date and a number of good-hearted passers-by warn me that I've lipstick on my face. I enjoy this but nonetheless it's probably not a good look on a date, so I clean it off before reaching the restaurant. My date is Lilia, a lovely girl I'd met in March last time I was in Buenos Aires. Actually its not supposed to be a date, just a friendly re-union, but who am I kidding? I feel a bit awkward. We do conversation for a while, and afterwards she invites me for coffee at her place. "Coffee and sex?" I joke, nervously. She assures me not and still lets the wolf in. But I'm feeling more like a puppy this evening, and putty in her presence. I'm very nervous of trying anything with her as I'm afraid of letting emotions spill again, but ever so slowly I'm overtaken by the moment. We're both very sensitive creatures, and the first moments are probably the most magical and timeless I've had with my clothes on.

31/5 Monday night. I awake in the middle of the night and find myself tuning the Double Base but its a very sensitive instrument and I can't seem to find the right notes. Back to sleep and my lingering insecurity wants to manifest as an intense lucid dream, but this freaks me out so slowly I let myself wake up.

1/6 Move to Palermo neighbourhood, which happens to be close to Lilia's place. Dump some of my head to my diary. Guilt is double-underlined.

2/6 I fancy the idea of renting a room for a few weeks, so I a check out a place advertised on Craig's list, but then get lazy and just stay in the hostel as its well located and comfortable.

In the evening is the hostel pub crawl, though I just want to crawl under the floorboards. But I emerge to make an effort. Free beer in the hostel on presentation of flashing ring that pub-crawlers have purchased for this exercise. I'm not going on the pub-crawl so I ask my room-mate if I can borrow his ring. He's a proper English rudeboy so he profers me his arsehole. The same guy who wrote on the fridge door "I'm going to stab you in the eye". It's like being back at boarding school.

3/6 Amazing night with Lilia. Censored.

4/6 Turning point. Lilia calls me sounding very sad, says she's had a bad day at work. I feel the puddy cat rubbing her head against me and I can't but help myself from stroking her better. She's already purring before we meet later, but now I feel I have an allergy to her touch, that same touch that felt so wonderful only the day before.


Doodle-therapy: who's in your head?

5/6 Oops, I've done it again. I'm feeling low the next day and, unable to hide this completely, she tries to talk me into being happy. It's a beautiful day, we lunch at a lovely rooftop restaurant, the sun is shining, but inside I am a cavern of emptiness. So I retreat to my cave.


Inner peace

6/6 Day in the park, reading, lazing in the sun. But there is a cloud from yesterday hanging over me, so I invite Lilia over for some tortilla, with no intentions, just to talk and see what happens. We make some small-talk, eat tortilla, then chat about yesterday. She asks me "What do you want?" It's a great question, and piercing in its directness. I'm in control, so I'm out. It's over. I walk with her home, there are some protests but I have no answers so I stay quiet and try to listen. I accept her invite to come up for tea, and I just sit there listening, having nothing to say.

I write a lot in my diary, including a little soppy poem of gratitude:

"I am but a budding shoot
Dependent on your light and food
But if and when I do bear fruit
I owe it all to you."

And to cheer myself up, I suggest a hypothesis on ego growth, which basically says that so-called "Big" egos are in fact very small but growing, but maybe referred to as "big" because, as they attempt to grow they consume new space which is large in proportion to their size.

And what do you do in your spare time?

That night I get such a touching mail from Lilia it made me cry. It was one of immense gratitude for my listening, so long it had been since someone had listened and cared for her as I did. I found it so touching that after what had happened she could still find the heart to give.

I wipe my tears and move on...

Bubbling Inferno

Volcano Villarica, Pucón

12/5 Up at 6am, out at 7, and over the clouds by 8 ready to start a 5 hour climb to the top of Volcano Villarica. It's a beautiful start, the sun rising over the horizon, a blanket of cloud punctured only by the odd volcano or mountain. We head at a slow but steady pace that becomes hypnotic.. crunch crunch crunch crunch ... stopping every 40 mins or so for a short break.

For the last 2 hours we put on crampons (spikey soles for walking on ice). It's a steep climb, and in autumn now the snow is mostly iced up and very slippery. I'm not that keen on heights so try to keep focus on each step, rather than where i may end up if i slip. Good practice for life generally, I remind myself. But i was curious and afterwards I asked about incidents -- I was told they were rare considering the numbers that climb. A couple of months earlier one chap did do a 400 metre "superman" style fall, eventually stopping in some softer snow.

Finally at the top of the crater its a good job the ground is pretty solid, coz there ain't no soft snow to catch you at the bottom of this angry baby... just a bubbling cauldron of molten lava...!

There were a couple of explosions where we all tried to flee, one of the guys in our group got hit by a small piece of solidified lava, but fortunately the light whirlwind in this crater only caught the tiny pieces which cooled very quickly. I understand why the tour is cancelled on very windy days, its not uncommon for clothing to be singed.

Since the latest earthquake in Chile this volcano has been bubbling away more than usual, but apparently it's "safe" to view since there is no pressure build-up. The ones to worry about show no smoke but then suddenly erupt violently without warning... hmm seems familiar somehow.

Once done dodging lava and filling our lungs with sulphurous gases we settled for some lunch on a quieter edge of the crater. Coming down was a lot easier - half the way we sat on our arses and slid down the volcano using the pick-axe as a break. This was a lot of fun and less scary than i thought. We went down in several runs, some quite soft, others steeper.

Back at base, looking weathered.

More pics..

Pucón, Chile to Bariloche, Argentina (see map)

13/5 - 14/5 I was sad to say goodbye to my travel buddies Gus & Jess, they were heading off south to Puerto Montt to catch a 4-day boat south. I took the car back to Bariloche, stopping on the way to relax at another volcanic spa, "Pozones". I got a little lost, and dodgy roads and turkeys slowed me down, but a farmer hitched a lift with me and pointed the way.

Feeling very relaxed I head back on the road, this time taking a smoother border-crossing than the one we'd come on. Still it was quiet and there was hardly any traffic. The main hassards to watch out for were animals. A couple of suicidal dogs chased me down from 100km to 0 in a few seconds (they actually followed my swerve as I tried to avoid them, and only backed off once i'd completely stopped), and later after dark a deer standing quietly on the side of the road acted as reminder to keep a check on my speed on these otherwise smoothe and clear roads.

Made it to the border before they close at 7pm. In their remote log-cabin office, a small cluster of civil servants were killing time on their PCs playing patience or browsing porn. Paper processing was a smoothe affair, and they were very friendly.

I drove on to Junin de los Andes and stayed the night there as it was getting late, then carried on first thing the next morning. My only regret was not working out the mileage properly as I'd overrun the allowance (yes that's a giant penis-shaped rock you see below), the cost excess exceeded that of keeping the car an extra day, so I could have returned more leisurely if I'd planned it. That said, I was pleased to get the car back in one piece.

One for the girls.

More pics..

Llao llao :-(
15/5 I've never liked dogs until today, always being a cat person. But on a bike ride today this little chap tagged along the whole way, wanting nothing in return, not a biscuit or even water. Just company. We were cycling in Llao Llao national park, so it was natural to call him Llao llao (which sweetly rhymes with how hispanics describe a dog bark). The whole afternoon he stayed with us, through the woods and braving all the viscious guard dogs protecting the private farms, resting with us, and following us back. However returning on the main road we lost him, and we felt bad, but I imagine his home was somewhere near.

Llao llao following his new cycling friends, and shielding from the wind.

Taking a late afternoon siesta.

Sunset back at hostel 1004, but where is Llao llao :-(


Still in Bariloche
16/5 - 22/5 More spanish lessons with my mad teacher and her cat. She also agreed to be my pimp / matchmaker when I was gone, forwarding any pretty brunette students in my direction.

Discovering that the following weekend would be Argentinia's bicentenary celebrations, I decided to return to Buenos Aires. It was a good excuse I thought, but really I just had an itch for city life and to see some familar faces. After all the constant goodbyes of being on the road, it would be nice to say hello again.

So I warmed up with some tango classes at the local Rincon del Tango, and booked a "super-cama" overnight bus. The journey flew by, but was quite intense. Suddenly as we cruised along one of the windows went bang and imploded over an unsuspecting passenger. Good job it was safety glass. Probably some kid had thrown a rock or something, anyway we had to pit-stop to change buses, luckily we'd just passed one of the terminals so not too huge a detour. The film choices were also pretty intense... Braveheart, Gladiator, and Life is Beautiful. I was pretty depressed after that... a romantic at heart I wished I could love a woman that much. Well I had a (fairly pathetic) go in Buenos Aires...

Road trip to Pucón, Chile

Seven Lakes, near Bariloche (Argentina) See map
7/5 And we're off. With Gus & Jess my new road-trip buddies on their 8-month honeymoon, good stuff! Holidaying with honeymooners, this'll be different I thought. I told them about my depression, but I kept quiet about my mad driving tendencies. But not only did we survive to tell the tale, I actually quite enjoyed the week.

I'm a little nervous going first in the hot-seat but co-pilot #1 is great support and we successfully reverse out of the car-hire blind-alley, stop just in time to give a granny a few more years, and make a pit-stop to pick-up co-pilot #2 and the luggage.

The first day is a beautiful and very pleasant start. Pleasant is the word. And nice. Lots of idylic lakes and great weather. Ok, for a proper account of the day, see my travel buddies blog they did a fantastic job.. click here

More pics..

San Martin de los Andes (Argentina) to Villarica (Chile) See map

8/5 Pebble-skimming play and paradise on the first leg towards the Chilean border...

Skimming Gus jumps double figures.. how many was it?


Road-rally in no-man's land
Then we get to the Argentinian exit border. The guard gets up from his siesta and strolls slowly towards our car, eyeing it curiously. It seems they don't get much traffic through this particular checkpoint, at most 10 vehicles a day, and hardly any 2WD vehicles. "Can we cross with this car?" I ask. "You can try" comes the reply in Spanish. Not to discourage my travel buddies I translate this as "Yeah, no problem.", though I think they were picking up on the body language. Passports and paperwork sorted, the guard heads back to his siesta and we head out for the fiesta... zipping and honking through the woody lanes, stopping occasionally to plan run-ups and re-enforce the road using bamboo sticks.



A number of times we were pretty close to getting stuck, sometimes only the car momentum kept us from sinking into the mud. But with navigational support from my co-pilots, some prior intensive training on Brazilian dirt-tracks, and good old-fashioned prayer, we pulled through with a smile of relief, isn't that right piggy?



I had really enjoyed the drive, though I found out afterwards that my co-pilots had been bricking themselves. As driver I had the advantage of being fully absorbed in the road ahead, and with the steering-wheel being on the left-hand side of the car I was oblivious to the extent of the precipices on our right. Ignorance is bliss, right? My less ignorant travel buddies posted this report of their ordeal.

More pics..

Dancing with the Wolf
That night we stayed in Villarrica, a medium-sized sleepy Chilean town. Over dinner I witnessed an extraordinary battle of heart vs mind. Over a very sensitive topic, Jess took on the former, whilst Gus held out on the latter. Passions erupted, but neither won of course, heart and mind made a pact, such is life. I have great admiration for Gus and Jess, and any couple that can battle something out and make peace.

Probably they made peace after dinner, but I didn't stay to find out and none of my business anyway. It was Saturday night and wolf was looking for another kind of battle. A short pit-stop in a smokey karaoke bar (I hate smokey bars, and didn't have the balls to sing), before prowling further along the sleepy streets. Some dreadful music leaked from the local firestation. A party at a firestation, that sounds interesting I thought, and at least it doesn't sound like karaoke. A small patrol of firemen were happy to usher me in. The music had stopped when I entered the huge dance-hall, and I sensed dozens of odd-looking faces turn to witness this stranger. There were grannies and kiddies, and couples, and old men drinking whole bottles of whisky. I joined one of the latter at the bar, his forlorn but friendly face had been Photoshopped with a stretch & twirl filter such that none of his features remained symmetrical. And I'd only had one beer. I quickly got another and was pleased to see the band start to play again, and everyone seemed to get up at once to dance. Two girls sat alone together, so I assumed the procedure and was fended off with the explanation that their boyfriends were... firemen. You'd think all the single girls in town would be fighting to get to a fireman's party, not this one though, or maybe there were just enough firemen to go round. Either way it had been a long day and wolf was more tired than hungry, so he slunk off quietly during one of the dances and slept under the moonlight, dreaming of endless muddy roads.

Bacon, Eggs & Volcanic Hot Spas
9/5 Sunday morning I awake to the smell of bacon, Gus the tour chef was God at this moment and even now my mouth is watering again thinking about the crispy bacon, eggs, avocado, tomato, toast, & coffee that we had that morning. Nor does the day get any more unpleasant, we decide on taking it easy after the road-rally the day before, and anyway it's Sunday, so we head to a local volcanic spa to chill out... it's tough, but someone has to do it.

Llaima Volcano
10/5 A most amazing show of nature, I have never seen anything like it.. a man that can talk 'turkey'! I wish I could have recorded this show, but picture this.. we pull up to ask for directions from a group of turkeys, Gus is our spokesman here, he asks "glaglaglaglaglaglaglagla?", and in complete unison the turkeys all reply "glaglaglaglaglaglaglaglaglaglaglaglaglagla". Which apparently means, "The volcano park you're heading to is closed due to risk of eruption, give up and go home."



There are other clues, so we make the best of it and enjoy a pleasant day's drive, after all there's not a lot of traffic, just passing the odd single-wheeled vehicle on the main roads.



Though hard to top the turkey talk, other excitements of the day included driving through South America's second longest tunnel, and meeting Hans, the owner of the Bavarian guesthouse we stayed at. He's a complete loon, but his laugh is contagious and he makes a delicious Spetzel and Goulash. Das ist lecker!

For a honeymooner's eye view of the same day click here.

10th May is also my mum's birthday. Happy Birthday Mama! x

Volcano Lonquimay & Crater Navidad
11/5 There seem to be plenty of volcanos in Chile, and thanks to my travel buddies blog i can name some of them, though not necessarily pronounce them. Today we went for a little stroll up a baby volcano crater called "Navidad", named as such because it sprang out from mama Lonquimay on Christmas day 1982. The walk was how imagine a lunar trek might be, except that gravity was playing at full earth-strength, somewhat to the dismay Jess who didn't enjoy the final part of the climb so much. The slope was quite steep and the scree very loose, so it was sort of 3 steps up 1 down. But going down it paid off, where it was more like take 1 step down, get 5 free.




Which way?


I'm a little pixel.


Gus & Jess, experts in flying jump-shots.
More pics from Gus & Jess's album


Late afternoon we headed south to Pucón, taking a slightly longer but smoother ride on the main roads. Emotions got a little bumpy on the way though, i'd probably given off permissive signals to my more experienced co-pilot to give me some road tutoring, though pilot was in no mood for it and got a little techy. Little moment of inter-driver tension, tick. But we pit-stopped for a great lamb roast, after which we all felt better and I was happy to handover the wheel to Jess and settle to a siesta in the backseat.

This was good because I'd need the energy the next day, which would prove to be probably the most exhilarating day of my trip so far.. dodging the bubbling lava of Volcano Villarrica...

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